Remembering Logan

Warning: This post contains explicit sexual material.

Outside the back door we reside. We have been swimming and you look cute, but you remain annoying. You are really trying to kiss me, or coax me into it, but I am repulsed by you. I remember leaning over you as you lay on the cement.

I am making a mixed tape, what kind of songs I cannot remember but there are plenty of CDs around. You knock. I tell you to come in, you sit on my mattress which is on the floor and lean against the wall. I remember we talk for a bit but how I end up sitting next to you on the bed I don't know. Hendrix seems to be making an appearance. Ahh. The Baileys on my shelf gets mentioned and I agree to grab the milk from the fridge and we drink together. We drink until it is gone and I can feel the effect of the alcohol taking over my brain. It is making me happy and giggly. You start to appear nice and friendly, a change from your usual self and it appeals to me. I am talking and I laugh and smile and you stare at me, and suddenly you lean forward and kiss me. Yet you're not just kissing me, you are pushing me backwards onto the bed. For a moment I am stunned. A million thoughts are running through my head. I am frozen. Yet the alcohol has taken over and made me lazy in response to instinct, and I give in. I have fought you for nine months, and I give in.

I kiss you back and I am surprised because you are such a good kisser. You are passionate about it, all your energies are concentrated on me, and I like it. Your hands are squeezing me, embracing me, treading sensually upon my body, encouraging me to give in, to revel in your embrace. I can feel my body warming to you as we writhe upon my bed like serpents. I can feel your hardness pressing on me, and it doesn't help my condition.

You get up, I know you have been waiting for this moment a long time. I cannot remember discussing it but we are going to your room and you take my hand and lead me past Scott and Geoff in the lounge room and I am thinking "I shouldn't be doing this" for so many reasons but I can't say no. I don't remember getting into your bed with you or whether I am naked, but you, I think I sit on you and you come in five seconds flat. I am unimpressed and bored. And wonder what I am doing there. I turn and stare at the wall - you say I can sleep with you but I am glad I go back to my own bed because in the middle of the night I get up and am violently sick. I purge myself, and purge myself of you.

Copyright © Aurian 2002