In-Laws at Christmas

Just like those shots from the eighties!

 From top to bottom, left to right: Simon (brother-in-law), Tim (uncle-in-law), Darren (brother-in-law), Selina (and unborn bump - Jeremy's sister-in-law), Pa (or Great Pa - my father-in-law's father), Michael (father-in-law), Annette (mother-in-law), me, Nathan (Jeremy's nephew - Darren's son), Sam (Nathan's brother and Jeremy's Godson), Isaac (my absolutely fantastic and adorable son) and Jeremy (my rock, my wonderful husband). Taken in the backyard of Annette and Michael's Walkley Heights home.

Ancient Sentinel Stands Guard Over Children

 

This beautiful ancient guardian stands sentinel at the Fairview Park Primary School children's playground. I consider this tree to be significant. It is a large, old gum tree, that provides beauty, habitat and shade. The plaground area is enhanced by it's presence, and it softens the atmosphere of the portable classrooms and metal playground equipment.

 Providing a large amount of shade, also provides a great place to come and eat lunch with the kids as table and benches are provided.

Favourite Present

This is the most beautiful present I have ever received. This Oxfam decoration was from my son (hubby did the purchasing). I cried when I looked at the card because it had Toddlers scribbles on it. And the photos inside are absolutely gorgeous (I have three to choose from!). I cried looking at these too. I love them so much.

Naked Tryst

This post contains adult themes.

I would love to lie naked with you
Drawing love hearts
With your fingertips upon my breast
Running imaginary lines
Upon my wrist and inner elbow, tingling..

I would love to lie naked with you
Pressing my palms to yours
Measuring the span of my fingers
Ear to your chest to hear the beat of you
And feel nothing but love.

I would love to lie naked with you
And feel sweet kisses on my shoulders
Tender lips upon my skin
Until I turn and see your eyes
Dancing at me and grinning with love.

I would love to lie naked with you
So close that I can feel
Your breath around my body
As we gaze at each other
Revelling in the possibility of the moment.

Copyright © Aurian 2002

Beauty

I had my legs waxed at Evolve today.

It is very professional, and very relaxing. It feels like a day spa even getting your legs waxed. However, it is very overpriced for leg waxing, although I do like the fact that roller wax is used (though I don't know exactly how this is more hygienic than pot wax).

Beauty services are very personal. First off - you are revealing things that you wouldn't show your best friend in bright light to a complete stranger. So the venue has to provide you with some dignity. It has to be comfortable. It has to be private. This is why I don't like places at the plaza where everybody is rushing around opening and closing doors - it feels more like sheep being shorn than a beauty experience. Evolve provides this atmosphere. On top of this, it makes you feel special - it has a fantastic customer points and discount program for friends. I don't know if is a good deal at all - but it makes you feel valued. The graphic design on all these services is also very professional.

This may be factored into the cost of the services. For a leg and eyebrow wax I pay $65. Now the funny thing about this is that I like to save money - but I won't go to the cheapest waxer around (or any other beauty service for that matter) just because they are the cheapest. I want quality at a good price. It doesn't have to be the swishest place on the block, but I will pay a little bit extra for a dayspa like feel.

Update: Evolve has 25% off waxing, pedicures and manicures if you book on a Tuesday, until the 28th of February 2010.

Christmas Cards

Today gorgeous boy and I made Christmas cards. I didn't make any
purchases (except water usage) to make them. They consisted of some
medium weight paper I found in a drawer, and Toddler's hand painted
with a brush and paint that I also scrounged.

I stamped his handprint in the middle of each card. They look great!
So simple yet effective.

I had water and a cloth on hand for cleaning up. As Toddler was in his
highchair during the activity I also put some paint and water on his
highchair, and he did some fingerpainting for the first time (which he
really enjoyed!) It was a fun activity for both of us, and I got
something done as well as spending quality time with him. I was
surprised by how easy and quick it was. It was quicker than shopping
for ethical cards!

Fairview Park Reserve Playground

573-581 Yatala Vale Rd
Fairview Park


View Larger Map

Fairview Park Reserve Playground is a very safe play area as it is situated far from the main road, with the other three sides bordered by neighbourhood fencing, the Fairview Park Primary School and Pangari drive, respectively. There is a gentle slope northwards that diminshes towards Yatala Vale road, with most of the grassed area being an even surface. This is the best grassed area in Fairview Park for ball play, and I love to run on it with bare feet.

Access is easy via bus, with Stop 64 on the 542 route at the park. A walking trail surrounds the park with direct access from Anona Way, Pangari Drive and Yatala Vale Road in the north western corner. Most of the trail is gravel with sections closest to the playground being concrete. Access is limited from a southerly direction. It is possible to go through the grounds of Fairview Park Primary School from Pangari Drive (when the gates are open), or through the school oval via Nepondi Court, or via the gate onto the oval from Hamilton Road. None of the options through the school or oval are pram friendly.

Pressure

Felt like I have to be all things to all people but suddenly the feeling has gone away - like I have realised that it doesn't matter if I get things done or not - my drive to achieve something is due to the fact that I want to show people an achievement. The pressure was coming from my thoughts - that I needed to have my personal goals organised. But I don't even know what my personal goals are:)

Slowing Down

The problem with slowing down is that it takes so long. The irony of slow is that it is slow. To learn to slow down takes a long time. To type slower. To be more thoughtful before I make decisions. To consider what I write. To see mistakes as part of the journey - to let them be. To exist consciously with my whole self in every situation. To be comfortable because I am worth it. I am worth the time. I am worth the time to treat myself well. My dreams are worthy of my own time. My dreams could be my No. 1 priority. So what are my dreams and how do I identify them? My mental and spiritual health at present is my No. 1 priority. My mental and spiritual health is worth my time. Feeling good is worth it. My inner expectations even to have a blog that answers all is a pressure I place on myself.

Things that are on my mind before I sleep tonight: setting up my account and getting a signed copy of my drivers licence. Calculating how much the payment could be on our mortgage. Answering the rest of the questions in chapter 1 of the money book. Reading the magazines I have purchased. Listening to the new meditation CD. Going through my YANA notes. Keeping a mood diary. Tidying up the piano and desk in the dining room. Moving the computer into the dining room. Getting a new desk and playroom shelves from IKEA. Sorting our photos. Storing Isaac's toys properly. Cleaning the toy library toys. Returning books and toy library toys to the library. Reading all the books I have borrowed. Learning all the stress relieving techniques properly. Keeping a list of useful quotes. Planting more vegetables and herbs. Weeding the rest of the vegetable garden. Setting up the dates for the fertilising of the tomatoe plant. Filling out my new diary. Calling Jeremy's mum to arrange a change of babysitting day. Checking through the bags that I put away that I really want them. Go through the bathroom cupboard. Finish going through the farm shelf in the garage. Box everything up for the next garage sale. List remaining items in the Adelaide shopper. Count books and list in the Adelaide shopper. Read the books I have borrowed from the library. Set up a bill paying system in our Rural Bank account. Keep a record of bills in the system. Buy Jeremy a home gym. Organise a birthday for Jeremy. Organise babysitters for a date night. Set up the bird feeder again. Buy some bamboo wind chimes. Sign up for the permaculture course. Do a community workers course at TAFE. Do a social work degree. Do a course in professional writing. Learn how to manage myself. Find out who I am and what I really want and what is going to make me really happy. Find out which things I am doing for others and for unimportant rules I have set myself, and which things really matter. Do what I want, and not what I think I "should". Be true to myself. Enjoy life. Know that I can do my vocation and be a great Mum to Isaac:) Love me.

Too much variety

William Cowper (pronounced 'kuper') was a poet. He wrote many hymns. And he also had manic depression (bipolar). A quote that I have often heard - "Variety is the spice of life" is from Cowper's poem The Task. 'Variety is the very spice of life' it states. Well, with depression too much variety makes me feel ill. Too much going on.

Changes

I used the treadmill at the gym for 45 minutes this morning. This is the first time in my life, ever, that I done something simply because it makes me feel good. Every time I have chosen to do an activity in the past, such as exercise there has been another motive e.g. to lose weight, to get fit. And to exercise only because it feels good - now that is a wonderful feeling!

Toddler went in the creche again, and he was fine. And that makes me feel good too. That I have been brave enough to leave him there for an hour, and he survived. I am getting braver.

Last night Toddler was dedicated at our church, and it was wonderful. I barely slept at all due to the thoughts running through my head - mostly to do with what other people thought of the service. The experience has given me confidence in myself as we stuck with what we believed and didn't give in to peer pressure. When I do what I really want and what I believe in, my confidence grows and I feel happy and content.

Visualization

An exercise that I came up with this morning seemed to work quite well at relaxing me and slowing down my thoughts. I laid on the bed and visualized that my thoughts were floating out of my head like steam. If I opened my mouth I could see the sentences, words and letters rising upwards and evaporating. If unwanted thoughts came into my head I allowed them to immediately flow out of my mind. My breathing slowed down and I found myself calm and relaxed.

It is great that I am slowly learning how to calm down, but unfortunately when I leave the solitude of relaxation and return to the real world I am still unable to manage the overstimulation of daily living without feeling mentally paralyzed and overwhelmed.

Mirrors

Today I wrote an affirmation on our ensuite mirror with a whiteboard marker. It was amazingly powerful. I wrote it in my own handwriting (one mental recollection), then repeated it out loud whilst looking at myself (many recollections). It made me smile and feel strong again. I even danced a little jig! I recommend this healing technique for anyone.

I also bought myself a new wallet today - I find that fixing little things that bother me (such as the fact I couldn't keep coins in my wallet because the clasp was broken) make me feel a lot better. It will save me a lot of time and stress. Just have to keep Toddler out of it - he can have the old one!

I disagree with Louise L. Hay's spiritual beliefs, but I am currently perusing her book I can do it!: how to use affirmations to change your life, Hay House, 2004. I am choosing to teach myself new thoughts, and one way of doing this is by learning affirmations. An affirmation, in my own words, is simply a positive sentence that I can teach myself to change my thoughts and beliefs. I came across one today that resonated with me:

I have a wonderful lover, and we are both happy and at peace.

I have been thinking about Lover today, because I have been thinking about sex. Since starting my medication to treat my depression, I haven't been able to achieve orgasm. I know it's simply a side effect, but it has started to play on my mind. When I read this affirmation, I felt at peace. It reminded me that we are still lovers, regardless of the outcome, and that sex is much more than a destination. I am slowly learning to live my life in the moment, and embrace the journey.

I am brave.

Exercise

Managed about 30 minutes of exercise on the treadmill at Benefitness. Toddler was in the creche and my exercise was broken into segments due to checking on him regularly (it was his first time). It was difficult to turn off the busy thoughts in my mind whilst exercising - whether Toddler would be OK, and feeling pressure to "hurry up and exercise" because of the limited time. Despite this, I did feel better after exercising - more energetic, relaxed and happy that I did something for myself. I also realized that most of my anxiety was based on my own personal fears of leaving Toddler, when in reality he was fine. I would like to change these thoughts.

Reflecting on this experience I realized that part of my fears are based on the possiblity that he may really not want to be there, and what if he remembers that I left him somewhere, and he is genuinely traumatized by it? I would like to challenge these thoughts as well. My husband suggested that I need to live my life, and that sometimes Toddler is going to have to do things that he doesn't want to. I can see that these comments are catastrophic thinking, and over-thinking of the situation.

Details for the Benefitness creche:

Crèche
Children aged between 6 weeks and school age are well catered for between the hours of 9.00am and 11.30am Monday to Fridays.
The crèche boasts an indoor and outdoor area for the children to enjoy with a large selection of toys and activities.
Three carers are constantly supervising the children so you can relax and enjoy your workout at .

When I used the creche today there were only two carers - Jenny? and Jodie? (unsure of spelling). It costs $2 for any length of time during opening hours. You pay at the Benefitness front desk and they give you a receipt to take into the creche. Inside, you sign in, in the book provided. The children are given informal name tags using masking tape and texta, that are also put on their bags. Jodie encourages parents to leave as soon as possible so the children don't think you are staying. I stayed with Toddler for about 20 minutes to ensure that he was settled in. Note that some of the toys were broken and could pose a safety hazard, and no mention was made for children to wear hats outside.

You can peruse the membership and casual visit fees for Benefitness on their pricing1.pdf

I visited as a casual to Benefitness, so including the creche it was $14. To save money, I could buy a 10 visit pass for $90. Over 10 visits this would save me $30! For a chance to get some time out, and Toddler cared for, $11 per visit (including creche) seems reasonable.

Beginnings

While toddler was having his midday nap I worked on the settings for this blog. It was much more involved than I anticipated. I got as far as the Comments bar in the Settings tab. I can tell from listening to my body that I've had enough today.

Day Off

Isaac is at his Nanna and Pa's house today. I didn't know what to do so I went to the library, and now I am having fun blogging etc. I am looking forward to starting my real blog - the blog that is not just about my writing, but about my success and failure as a person. I feel good doing some writing - actually it's REALLY fun. I love researching things and comparing things and getting the best of the best and comparing (ethics wise) but it is a LOT of work and requires hours of research just for one product. It seems like a mammoth job just for one person alone so I am not sure that I want to do it all by myseld. I am not even sure that is what God wants me to do at all. I know that God wants me to do SOMETHING and I know that Isaac is going to be my little tag along teamster, but I am not sure how that will pan out generally. It will be fun just me and him hanging out. Sometimes I think that what I really want to do is have my own business (my favourite subject at uni was Entrepreneurship) but I don't know how to translate that into a business and I don't know how to translate that into something that has God's blessing. I mean, surely selling stuff for the sake of selling it can't have God's blessing? I looked through the list of Millionaire jobs and they are all so big, like Owner, Wholesaler, Distrobutor, Manager, Manufacturer - as in most of them sound like university qualification type jobs. How is that going to work out for me? Although there is Author- Fiction, but I don't really write fiction (I notice there is no poet:) And then I found this website of a mum who runs her own business and volunteers for an organisation to teach her kids stuff! Oh boy.

But Dr. Millington told me, don't be so hard on yourself, be gentle - take it SLOW!

Depression

Today has been an OK day for me. I stayed in bed until 11am, while my husband took the day off work and looked after Isaac. It was very good for me to have that rest, and to allow myself to have it. I thank God that he has given me such a loving husband who tries his best for us. At this point I feel overwhelmed with managing my depression and looking after my son at the same time. As he gets older he will be more self-sufficient - he will be able to feed himself and go to the toilet. But that is years away.

I know that I need some time daily rest and daydream. At present, it is my trip to Melbourne that is making me feel ill. I keep telling myself that it is only another month and half to get through before it is over, but that is a long time, and I am afraid I will feel worse. My main concern is that I will forget something or fail someone, and then they will think "she really doesn't have it all together". I can just take each minute and hour at a time, and then that will be a good place to begin.

Nappies

Isaac wears Bumgenius nappies.

He wears the Organic All In One one size nappy. It takes a long time to dry (2 days) but it absorbs more moisture than the 3.0. If he is wearing a 3.0 I need to change him more often. My nappies are nearly carbon neutral because I have bought 80% of them secondhand - no new nappies were manufactured for 6 of his nappies.

Gym Style Activities for Toddlers

Are you within walking distance? Get some exercise, save money and pollution.

Suggested age: 0-5 Years

Turramurra Junior-Gym
1000 Lower North East Road
Highbury 83977433

Sessions:
Tuesday 9:30 to 10:30am
10:30 to 11:30am
Friday 9:30 to 10:30am

Cost: $4.60 per child per session, plus a $6.50 registration charge per child per term
Estimated total per term: $52.50

This gym is cheaper than other preschool gyms, but it is not in a central area to most people living in Tea Tree Gully.

Australian Culture

As a nation we are changing. Culturally we are losing an identity and creating another. "Australian" no longer means a Hills Hoist and a BBQ. It means McD0nalds, shopping centres and BMWs.

I am a big fan of holding onto our past culture. I feel that if we completely let go of ourselves, our wildlife and heritage, then we lose who we are. But who we really are, is who we are now, not who we were then. But sometimes then is better. I think we were gentler then. We lived in community. We had faith, beliefs and convictions, not discount dockets and catalogues. There is nothing wrong with making purchases and investing - we can make ethical purchases and invest ethically. We can move slower again, talk to people again - treat others as if their life story is something to be respected, valued and protected, not something to fill in the time while you wait for a return SMS. We can look people in the eye and respect them. We can grow up again and be adults. Our future is a nation of adolescents who turn 25 but never mature. What is their identity? Where do they learn it? Oh, Lord, I pray for Isaac, I really do. Define him Lord, give him something secure to hold onto. Forgive us for all the stuff that clutters our lives and hearts. It's getting hotter and we need to adapt as our world changes. But we can still cherish and nourish the little seeds of love and community that are growing in our hearts. They just need to be watered with a healthy culture, a culture of love, acceptance, patience and slowness. Give us the guts to become a nation with identity Lord - remind us that we are not capitalism. Remind us that we are not a brand. Remind us that we are not bank accounts, or cars, or houses. We are living and breathing. We are the earth, the sky, the wind, the scent of flowers, the warmth of sun on our skin and sweat on our feet. We are breathing and living - open our eyes from blindness, Lord, we have forgotten who we are. We are not inanimate. We are community. We can heal.